:'(

Feels like the world around me is crashing down.
Everyone is doing things they wouldnt normally do to feel accepted into the crowd.
I try and i try to tell some people how i feel and it never gets through to their heads.
They tell me they try to change, they want to change, that that are going to!
Hours later a dissapointed look strikes upon my face.
It seems as no one is capable of having a good time unless they are going to do something illegal...
I dont agree, i miss the old times where every single one of us where sober and had the best memories.
No stupid people running around looking trashy.
It hurts to see my freinds falling in so deep.
School days and School nights, its becoming a daily routine.
Thats what ticks me off the most.
Im not saying im a saint but i know how to conrol myself.
I hear "i want to be like you, be able to conrol myself and still have fun"
but nothing is going to happen on its own.
You have to belive in yourself and follow through, not just give up hours later.
Breaks my heart to see the people closest to me fading away into a black hole they might never get out of.

I Love You Grandpa

It's so hard to face reality right now.
I have so many things running through my head and when its the right time to speak up, i just choke on my own words.
Watching the people i care about fighting over the silliest of things and watching a person so close to my heart on his deathbed.
Everyone has opinions and fights but this is seriously not the time for it all.
One side of the family against another.
I think everyone should have a say then all be open to everyones opinions then try work out a logical and safe solution.
People are just so oblivious that things they want will most likely not fix anything, make things worse and more painful.
Why can't we just keep doing what we were all doing and most possibly make the chances higher, after all he has survived 17 years so far.
Its a persons life you just can't take a guess and hope you made the right decision.
What hurts me the most is to see that no one was around apart from the few who lived close,
But as soon as it became terminal everyone wants to interfere and take over.
As though they are fighting over love and who is better.
I love my family but this is just too far.
I have never had to deal with a death in my life as of yet.
I hope i don't have to anytime soon.

Ellie

Is my best friend as she is probally my only friend that has made so many new friends but still continues to be herself. She doesnt hide herself behind a mask and then forget who she is.
Alot of people that used to be my friends put on a mask to impress people, that soon turned into their face. I know we don't hang out as much as we would both like but when we do hang out it still continues to be somewhat like it used to be concidering we both have had massive changes in our social lives. I wish everyone could do this.

oh and ellie says "fuck you central coast your all shit people and i hope eveyrone burns, and newcastle also"
HAHA plus she wanted me to google 2 vaginas to put as a photo in this blog but i though my image was much more appropriate.

This past week.

has gotten me thinking about how much everything and everyone has changed including myself.

I feel uncomfortable with people i used to tell everything to, I don't share my secrets with the ones i call my best friends anymore and i feel as though we all are in different groups now that its changed the way we all see things and are no longer on the same page, that if i do something ill be judged upon it.

In my mind I've worked out who I actually open up to and feel comfortable around.

I never thought it would be the people they actually are.

Looking back on the past just makes me shiver as it seems like it was the best time in the world.

Everyone was so close, comfortable with each other and acted so stupid and immature but no doubt we always have fun.

I hope next year rises back up because this year I'm afraid the plane has crashed.

havn't posted in a while.

Basically forgot this was here.
well goodnight
:)

Think about it.

I have realised that no matter how much we dont want drama in our life, some is always going to follow us. Were teenagers and thats what you get. Hunny, if you think you drama free think again.

<3

i had alot of fun

ilys